This episode kicks off a special year for Sales with ASLAN as we celebrate 30 years in business by revisiting the most important truths we have learned along the way.
Tom and Tab start with the most foundational and most counterintuitive insight of all: the customer’s willingness to listen matters more than your ability to communicate.
From early days making cold calls to conversations with Fortune 100 leaders, from leadership teams to marriages and parenting teenagers, this truth shows up everywhere. When someone is not receptive, even the best message fails. When they are, influence becomes possible.
In this conversation, Tom and Tab unpack why traditional persuasion often backfires, why modern buyers are more resistant than ever, and what it really takes to create fertile soil before planting the seed.
Watch the full presentation below:
The Most Important Truth About Influence in Sales and Leadership
After 30 years of working in sales training, leadership development, and human behavior, there is one truth that stands above the rest.
Influence does not begin with your message. It begins with the other person’s willingness to listen.
This insight has shaped how we approach sales conversations, leadership moments, and even personal relationships. It is also the starting point for our 30 Years, 30 Truths series, a reflection on the counterintuitive lessons that actually drive change.
The Customer’s Willingness to Listen Comes First
One of the earliest truths we learned, and one that continues to prove itself, is this:
“The customer’s willingness to listen is more important than your ability to communicate.” - Tom Stanfill
Most sales training focuses on improving communication skills. Strong value propositions. Clear messaging. Confident delivery. Those skills matter, but they only work when the other person is receptive.
When someone is not open, even the most polished message creates resistance. In fact, the more pressure applied, the more influence disappears.
This is why so many sales conversations stall, not because the solution is weak, but because the timing and approach ignore receptivity.
Influence Fails When Receptivity Is Missing
We often explain this truth using a simple metaphor:
“Until the soil is fertile, you cannot plant the seed.” - Tom Stanfill
In sales, leadership, and coaching, influence works the same way. If someone does not feel safe, respected, or understood, they are not listening. When that happens, persuasion backfires.
Behavioral research supports this. Studies in social psychology show that people are more open to influence when they experience autonomy, trust, and curiosity rather than pressure or control. When those conditions are missing, resistance is the natural response.
Why Receptivity Is Harder Than Ever Today
Modern buyers and leaders are overwhelmed. Information is everywhere. Time is limited. Attention is guarded.
As a result, people are building higher barriers to protect themselves from being sold, convinced, or pushed. This has made traditional sales approaches less effective and, in many cases, damaging to trust.
The challenge is no longer how to say things better. It's how to create the conditions where someone actually wants to listen.
The Question That Changes Everything
After three decades of observing what works and what fails, we believe this is the most important question anyone can ask before trying to influence another person:
Are they willing to listen?
If the answer is no, the work is not persuasion. The work is building receptivity. That may require patience, humility, curiosity, and a shift in intent.
This truth is where influence begins. It is the foundation beneath every skill, process, and conversation that follows.
And it is why we are starting our 30th year by returning to what matters most.
