What Does Your Sign Say?

You have blind spots. I have blind spots. Those unconscious flaws that inhibit our influence, relationships, and success. My son calls it the sign above our head – a message we can’t see but one that is clearly in view of everyone else we interact with. What’s on the sign? Our hidden motives behind a question or statement, our self-centeredness, our distracting habits, our interpersonal gaps, and every other character flaw that we simply just aren’t aware of. You have them and I have them. 

In the last few weeks, this was brought to my attention through my numerous interactions with sales professionals. From executives to reps, the messages on the signs were written in really large font – I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU. I CARE ABOUT ME – not that those in the sales world possess more gaps; they just seem to broadcast them a little more loudly. One guy just couldn’t hear what I was saying because he was so determined to get me to buy his idea. When I started to talk, he ignored me while he formulated his next argument. It took several attempts to get him to see that what he was recommending simply didn’t work for our company. The other rep watching the conversation immediately picked up on it and joined me in helping him understand my point of view. He has no idea I felt completely ignored. 

He couldn’t see his sign.

I spent several hours with a person who dominated almost 100% of the conversation. It was all about him. If he did ask me a question, my answer somehow quickly returned the subject back to him. He couldn’t see his sign.

I was on a conference call with a guy who heavily breathes into the phone – like a creepy stalker calling the babysitter in a horror movie. He definitely couldn’t see his sign.

I sat through a presentation where the content was excellent but I was turned off by the delivery. The presenter had a very condescending tone, like we were all stupid and she was really smart. She couldn’t see her sign (See guys, I threw a female in there…. Okay, it was actually a guy).

A friend of mine is appalled by another friend’s behavior but he has no idea that he does the exact same thing. He can’t see his sign.

What about you Tom, Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Blog Writer?

Do you have a sign?

Guilty. I am guilty of everything mentioned above and more (even the breathing thing). I could write for hours about what I have learned about the billboard above my head. The question isn’t whether we have a sign above our head revealing our blind spots to the world, the question we need to ask is “what does it say?”.

I believe our biggest gap is not what’s on our sign but not knowing we have a sign. I really believe most of us walk through life with our “zipper down” and we are just too blind or scared to do anything about it. Matter of fact, most of you reading the blog right now are thinking about how this applies to someone else vs. critically examining the idea that you have a sign. Most of us are more consumed with reading and discussing others’ signs than critically examining our own. And if you are one of those, it’s on your sign. 

Being blind to our sign is DEFINITELY the norm.

A life of rigorous self examination is extremely rare. It’s just too painful for most of us. Many of us just don’t have the capacity to handle any more bad news. We would just rather ignore the gap or blame others for why we didn’t get the sale, promotion, job, or hit quota – or, worse yet, why the relationship went south or the kids rebelled. And I’m certainly not saying you’re entirely to blame. But you have a sign. And, it seems to be the last place we look to determine why we don’t get the things we desire.

If you are one of the few that is passionate about working on the only thing you can control – you – then welcome to a scary place. Why? Because when you really open yourself up to honestly assessing your flaws it’s painful. It’s painful to learn you have “bad breath.” But we really only have one choice – we can either live in reality or live in denial. Either way, our “breath” smells the same. I personally would rather know. Because, like your “breath,” most gaps are pretty easy to address and far less painful to when you preemptively ask, “Do I need a mint?”

So what’s on your sign?

Do you want to know? I would recommend two things. First, look in the mirror more. Heighten your awareness and continually assess how you interact with people. Look for consistent patterns. And when you get bad news, first focus on why it might be true versus why it isn’t.

Secondly, ask trusted friends. Invite people in your life to speak the truth. Give them permission to say the tough things. Ask them to observe you in situations where you suspect you may have some gaps. The input will be revealing and far less painful than feeling exposed if someone proactively calls you out.

If you do, you will be one of the very few who continues to grow and shrink the size of your sign from a billboard to a small post it note.