I Don't Like Aretha Franklin (And Why That's Okay)

To be completely transparent, criticism always stings a bit more than it should for me. I’ve never been one of those people who charges through life with a “the hell with what everyone thinks” attitude, blind to the critics of the world.

I tend to care too much for how people react to my work.

I may feel like I nailed a presentation or I may be very proud of a recently created training model, but at the first hint of criticism my default reaction is, “it must be crap.” When the evaluations come in from a speaking engagement or workshop, I immediately start to look for any score less than a five (five being the highest). If I get a few 3's or 4's, I immediately think, “What did I do wrong? What do I need to change? Did I fail?” In short, I could have never worked for Steve Jobs.

A few months ago all of this changed. I had a breakthrough that has helped me accept that no matter how hard I work or what level of expertise I achieve, I will ALWAYS have critics who think my work is crap. And I have Aretha Franklin to thank.On a recent flight, the guy next to me pulled out his iPad and started thumbing through his collection of music (okay, maybe I was being a bit nosey). He selected an Aretha Franklin Album, and that’s when I had the epiphany.

Even though she is The Queen of Soul, has sold 75 million records, won 18 Grammy Awards, and is heralded as one the greatest female singers of all time, I don’t like her music. No offense to Aretha (I’m pretty sure she reads my blog) but I’ve never purchased any of her music. And neither have billions of other people. As I was pondering this, I truly believe a voice from above said to me, “See Tom, no matter what level of competence you achieve, no matter how hard you work – even if you become the best in the world:

“You will ALWAYS have people who don’t like your work.” 

Always! So get over it.

As crazy at it sounds, it really freed me up. Without the voice of the critic in my head, my creativity flows more freely, I’m more relaxed and confident when I speak, and best of all, I’m enjoying my work more. If someone doesn’t get my message or disagrees with my philosophy, it’s probably not a reflection on my ability to “sing”. Maybe they just need to listen to Billy Joel. Candidly, I wouldn’t have written this blog six months ago for fear of people thinking I’m being too personal, too honest. That’s cool. But the only way for me to find MY audience is to write my blog, not a blog that tries to appeal to everyone – thereby appealing to no one.

Am I saying you shouldn’t seek or accept feedback? Absolutely not! Feedback is essential to growth. Input helps you be more Other-Centered® and helps you improve your work. My point is that if we are demoralized by our critics, at a minimum we are less effective and robbed of contentment. At most, we never put our work out there – it’s just too painful. If I HAVE to please everyone, then I will always fail. That’s a tough way to live.

So, if you are like me and tend to be discouraged by your critics, remember Aretha. Even though she is the best at what she does, there are BILLIONS of people who don’t like her music. But that didn’t stop her from leveraging her God given gifts to serve millions. Nor should it stop you or me from leveraging the gifts we have been given to serve those whom we are entrusted to serve.