Everyone’s talking about what it means to “be real.” In sales, it’s an important conversation because motives are transparent.
In fact, it’s an important conversation in all contexts.
In any sphere — family, friendship, business — authenticity will take you further.
The Power of Authenticity
I doubt anyone reading this objects to the idea that authenticity is better than being fake.
So, you could ask: why aren’t we authentic all of the time?
One reason is that people don’t want to admit that they don’t know what they’re doing.
It’s uncomfortable to make mistakes. It’s awkward to be vulnerable. It’s threatening to show your true self.
But I’d argue that choosing authenticity is vital to growth, individually and as teams.
The people we admire most aren’t the ones who never screw up. They’re the ones who are bold enough to live their truth. Leaning into that honesty is how you earn real influence.
The Fallout of Faking It
People who are unwilling to be vulnerable and authentic will not have long-term success building teams or building businesses. It undermines everything you are trying to achieve.
Think of it in terms of some of the core tenets we teach at ASLAN:
If you’re faking it, Drop the Rope™ can’t happen. Drop the rope is a principle that means: stop tugging. Reduce the push and pull and just level with the person you’re talking to. If you are always faking it, you won’t diminish tension because it will leave you unprotected.
Take the TripⓇ is about saying, “I’m going to really honestly listen to you and embrace what you’re saying.” If you are always careful about what you reveal, you won’t really be listening to what someone else is saying; you’ll just be forming your next counterpoint.
This is important stuff, but becoming more authentic isn’t easy.
How to Become More Authentic
Here are a couple of ways to work on it.
Try Something Different
If you want something to be different, you have to do something different.
Trying to be more personal, to be more genuine, will feel risky at first. Start with something small. Reach out to someone. Admit out loud when you’ve done something wrong. Acknowledge you’re not feeling awesome today.
Expand your typical behaviors to be a little more real. Then a little more. You’ll find a healthy balance.
Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
This is key to any life change or growth: get out of your comfort zone and don’t go back to where it’s comfy. It’s the difference between people who grow and evolve and people who don’t.
The moment you’re authentic and feel exposed or panicked, don’t write off the experiment as a mistake. Do this incrementally too. You’ll be surprised at how quickly your comfort zone can expand.
Practice
When we teach Catalyst™ to managers, we talk about developmental activities. For instance, don’t just tell someone to “be more authentic.” Give them assignments.
Do the same with yourself when it comes to being more real. Let your guard down. Be emotional for a moment. Tell a story about your life. Do a certain number of things a day, or on certain days of the week. Systemize the process so that you can see your own progress.
Find an Expert
Behavioral change is much easier if you have something positive to emulate. Who do you know who is wonderfully authentic and open? Spend time with them. Watch how they react and respond. Watch what they are unafraid to do and how they go about doing it. If you can, build a relationship. Ask for advice. Ask for guidance. Implement their ideas and get feedback. It’ll give you support on the way.
Ditch Society’s Expectations
Last, ignore what society tells you about what a great version of yourself looks like. We all have some idyllic notion of “the best executive” or “the best sales rep” that we’ve concocted. If you’re shooting for perfection, you’ll never make progress toward authenticity.
Remember: there’s a big societal pressure in sales. Everyone wants to be extroverted and assertive. But there are so many types of reps and no single type of rep that will succeed. You need to learn yourself, then be yourself.
Tell the Truth
I’ll leave you with this:
I never kissed my dad. When I was 40, it took more than a week’s worth of preparation to say the words “I love you” to my dad.
Now, my dad and I were as tight as it gets. He knew I loved him. We had a great relationship.
Four decades into our relationship, I finally mustered the courage and said, “I love you and I’m proud of you and I’m so glad you’re my dad.” I was able to express that a couple of more times before he passed away.
Authenticity isn’t a branding ploy or a play to get ahead. Real authenticity means telling the truth, persistently shedding who you aren’t so you can be who you are.
It will set you free.
