Ep. 235: Overcoming Fear and Leading with Gratitude Featuring John Cerqueira, Pt. 1

In this episode of Sales with ASLAN, Tom Stanfill and Tab Norris welcome back one of their most impactful guests, longtime friend and ASLAN Vice President of Enterprise John Cerqueria.

After spending 15 years driving sales transformation and his traumatic experience in the Twin Towers on 9/11, John Cerquiera became a student of unlocking barriers to change and performance, and of developing a mindset that brings us fulfillment.

The discussion centered on a challenge that affects every seller and leader, especially during the pressure of year-end: how to manage fear, navigate emotional blockers, and operate from a state of clarity and presence.

What unfolded was one of the most candid and insightful conversations we have had on the podcast, blending neuroscience, emotional intelligence, practical psychology, and timeless principles of Other-Centered® selling.

Listen to the 54 minute conversation here:

Why This Conversation Matters Now

The end of the year brings pressure. Deals are closing, numbers are due, and stress runs high at home and at work. More and more customers are saying the same thing:

“We want our sales teams to have emotional intelligence. We want them to understand the human side of selling.”

As Tab notes, this theme has surfaced in nearly every client conversation over the past several weeks. Emotional management is no longer a soft skill; it is a performance skill, and sellers who cannot regulate their internal world often struggle to influence their external one.

John’s journey into teaching this content came unexpectedly. Clients began asking him to speak not about selling, but about how to simply get their people out of bed during the stress of COVID. What followed was a deeper exploration into mindset, fear, and the blockers that prevent us from being our best.

The Hidden Enemy: Survival Instincts Running the Show

Salespeople often approach growth by asking, What do I need to do? What skill do I need to learn? But as Tom shared, the bigger issue is often internal, not external.

When we face pressure, our evolutionary wiring kicks in. John explains that fear activates the survival brain, narrowing our focus and closing us off:

“Our ego and survival instincts get triggered when we stand to gain something we want or lose something we need. The aperture narrows. We stop being creative, present, and connected, which is exactly what sales requires most.”

Neuroscience backs this up. Research from Harvard Medical School notes that the amygdala, the brain’s threat detector, can override the prefrontal cortex, impairing decision-making, connection, and communication under stress.

When this happens, we stop listening well, lose our ability to read the room, and shift from serving to self-preservation. Sellers know this feeling well. As Tom puts it:

“I either walk out of a meeting feeling like I was myself, or I wasn’t. And when fear kicks in, I’m not myself.”

Gratitude, Service, Abundance: A Framework for Regaining Control

John introduces a three-part cycle that helps sellers and leaders reclaim executive function and re-enter a state of flow:

1. Gratitude

2. Service

3. Abundance

These principles are universal, rooted in everything from mindfulness to modern psychology to spiritual traditions. But they’re also deeply practical.

1. Gratitude resets the brain

John describes gratitude as the first step because:

“You cannot be scared and grateful at the same time.”

Research supports this. A study from the University of California Davis found that consistent gratitude practice reduces cortisol levels by up to 23 percent and improves mood and resilience.

Gratitude activates the executive brain and pulls us out of fight-or-flight. It widens our aperture, restoring clarity and presence.

John encourages a practice he calls premeditated gratitude:

Identify stressful scenarios you know you will face and decide ahead of time what you will choose to be grateful for in those moments.

Tab shares a real example from a recent lost deal: When he paused to write down what he was grateful for, the stress dissolved, and clarity returned.

2. Service shifts the spotlight

Once you’ve regained executive function, service becomes possible.

When we shift from self-focus to other-focus, fear loses power. The spotlight moves away from us and toward the person we’re helping.

Tom shares his own ritual before high-stakes meetings:

“I stop and decide: my role is to serve. I tell the customer my goal is to help them make the best decision, even if it’s not us. Saying it out loud frees me.”

This is Other-Centered® Selling at its core.

3. Abundance sustains the mindset

John teases this concept, which will be explored in part two, and offers a critical insight:

“Service doesn’t work if you expect something in return. That is still scarcity. Abundance means giving without keeping score.”

In his second appearance on the podcast, he'll walk us through a framework to break through fear and perform at our best.

Flow: The Ultimate Performance State

When gratitude calms the fear response and service directs our attention outward, we enter flow. It is the state athletes, musicians, and top performers describe as effortless execution.

Flow happens when you are fully present, creative, and connected. And customers feel it.

John describes it beautifully:

“It is almost as if the doing is being done through you. You become a channel for the moment.”

Sales become easier. Conversations open up. Opportunities appear naturally. This is not theoretical. For example, it showed up in every meeting John and Tab had during a recent event. By simply seeking to understand what was on each person’s whiteboard, they created some of the most authentic conversations of their careers.

A Practical Challenge for the Week

The team closes the episode with two actionable commitments:

1. Practice daily gratitude.
Write three things each morning and include why you are grateful for them.

2. Before every important meeting, make a decision to serve.
Define what service means for that interaction and, if appropriate, declare it out loud.

These two practices alone can fundamentally change how you show up, influence, and perform.

Closing Thoughts

This episode reminds us that selling is not just about technique. It is about mindset, presence, and emotional stewardship. Mastering fear and leading with gratitude and service does not just make us better sellers, it makes us better humans.

Part two of this conversation will explore the final pillar, abundance, along with practical ways to overcome deep-rooted fear and past experiences that shape how we show up under pressure.

Until then, take John’s advice:

“Pause. Breathe. Be grateful. And then go serve.”