Welcome to SALES with ASLAN, a weekly podcast hosted by ASLAN Co-founders Tom Stanfill and Tab Norris, geared at helping sales professionals and sales leaders eliminate the hard sell. At the end of the day, we believe that selling is serving. ASLAN helps sellers make the shift from a ‘typical’ sales approach, to one that makes us more influential because we embrace the truth that the customer’s receptivity is more important than your value prop or message.
The goal of these interviews is to spotlight various experts in the world of sales and sales leadership – sharing informational stories, techniques, and expert interviews on the sales topics you care about.
The following are notes from EP. 203 The Other Centered Challenge PT. 4 Seek Feedback
It's the final week of the #OtherCenteredChallenge! Tom and Tab dive into the power of seeking feedback to overcome blind spots. They reveal why many avoid feedback out of fear, but when we detach from the personal and focus on improvement, true growth begins. Discover why other-centered people prioritize feedback and how you can apply this practice in your personal and professional life. Get ready to embrace vulnerability and unlock your full potential!
#othercenteredchallenge #seekfeedback #personalgrowth #relationships #success
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00:26
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. So if you're new and you haven't heard any of our episodes, I'm the host, Tom Stanfill, and I'm with the world's best co host, Doctor Tab Norris, as we refer to him affectionately.
00:37
Tab Norris
Yes. Thank you, Tom.
00:38
Tom Stanfill
Good to see you, my friend.
00:39
Tab Norris
Good to see you.
00:41
Tom Stanfill
So we are, as anybody that's listened to our podcast for a while knows that what we care about is elevating the role of the seller. I mean, that's kind of the simple way to say it, which, by the way, is becoming more and more important with all the information in AI, the mundane educator follow up, see how you're doing. Let me know. Keep it in mind. Salesperson is not going to survive. And our goal is to elevate the seller's role from the typical sales rep, relationship manager, to trusted partner. And what we're talking about right now, we're in the middle of is really key to that. It's. It's what we're calling the other centered challenge. The OC 30 challenge being other centered for 30 days. So what is other centered? Well, we recognize, for those of you that are not familiar with our.
01:32
Tom Stanfill
Our challenge is that the people that are most successful to have most successful, most fulfilled, and have the richest relationships are other centered.
01:43
Tab Norris
You know, there's no doubt. Yeah, no one's ever fought me on that and said, no, you're wrong.
01:48
Tom Stanfill
It's just, yeah, there you can be successful without being other centered, but it's always, your success is going to be limited. The people that have the reach, their peak performance are other centered. So what is other centered? Other centered? People live by four beliefs or verbs or actions. Decide, choose, seek, serve, and seek. A and we talked about week one was all about making a decision to serve and making that our priority. Week two was choosing, because we can't serve everybody. And we're now, we just finished week three, which was serve more, care more, learn more, do more, focus on the people in our lives that we've choosing to serve and care more than they expect, learn more than they expect and do more than they expect. And that's how we serve. That's how other people serve. Other centered people serve.
02:42
Tom Stanfill
So, how'd you do, tab?
02:43
Tab Norris
You know, it was. Was an incredible. I know I've said every week, and I say it again, I love this.
02:51
Tom Stanfill
It is.
02:52
Tab Norris
It is. I love that it's so intentional. I love that it forces me to take one piece of something and put it on my radar. And it just came into, I'd like to say all my interactions, but a lot of my interactions with my family and some of my clients, and we talked about choose, and I thought about a couple of my strategic chosen accounts, like accounts that I really have as a high priority. And I made a point to reach out to one of them, because to do exactly what we're talking about. And I came at it from the perspective of, I talk to this person all the time.
03:36
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
03:37
Tab Norris
And I have never really been conscious about the care more. And, I mean, I know I care for them, but to come at it from, what am I missing? How can I learn more in order to serve better and to do more and exceed expectations? So I set up that meeting, and I came up with a reason to have the meeting, but that's why I set it up. And it was awesome, because I just started exploring some things. I just was really curious around some things. You know, I even said that. I said, you know, we talk all the time, you know, and I feel like we're always running so fast, and I, you know, I knew you had said something about it was something personal.
04:18
Tab Norris
I said you had said something about going to Atlanta for da da da with one of your children. I just, you know, how was that going? That's all I had to say. And, I mean, it was just like, boom. Just lit up and had this incredible conversation. And as they were talking, I was realizing, too, I had been inventorying all the things that I noticed he lit up about, and this client is, they care. What they care about is so funny, is he's a very analytical person, very detailed, checks every box. I'm not naturally wired that way. I know that's shocking to you, Tom.
05:06
Tom Stanfill
Shocking to me, but shocking.
05:08
Tab Norris
Like, we have, if we have a meeting coming up instead of, you know, and, you know, you just typically may send an email or something. He oftentimes he'll want to have a meet. And he even says it, you know, sometimes I want to over. You know, I will over communicate, but that's important. And I it's not about me. If that's important to. To them, then that's what I'm gonna do. And so, anyway, it was. It was fantastic. So I had a great.
05:35
Tom Stanfill
That's a great. Learn more. Yeah.
05:37
Tab Norris
And with my family. A little embarrassed to say this, I worked really hard with my wife, and I'll give that. But I have my children. Have three kids, and I realized that one of my children. I know all this because I have one child that's very similar to me.
05:58
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
05:58
Tab Norris
So I know. Exactly.
06:00
Tom Stanfill
Easy. It's easy for you. Yeah.
06:03
Tab Norris
And then. But the other two, I have some work to do, so I've been. And I haven't quite done that yet, but it's on my radar, and I have started building a little bit of an inventory of how I care, how I can serve more. So I need some things I need to learn. So I thought it was a good week.
06:19
Tom Stanfill
Your. Your story. Your story about. Or saying that about. It's easier to serve more people that are like you.
06:28
Tab Norris
Yeah.
06:29
Tom Stanfill
Because it's easier to kind of assume or not assume to anticipate their needs or anticipate what's important, and you can misread. Oh, well, they don't care about that because they don't seem to care about that.
06:39
Tab Norris
Yeah, exactly.
06:40
Tom Stanfill
Or, like, I wouldn't care about that. Or you. You know, so they probably don't care about that. But, like, I had a situation where I sent a gift to somebody, and I didn't really think it made much impact. I didn't really. You know, I mean, I knew they appreciated. They were kind, and I just didn't. Well, I noticed that they. I caught. Saw on their phone, they texted the picture of it to their. To somebody else. Well, then, you know, okay, then I knew they cared. I mean, it wasn't like. Again, they weren't definitely appreciative, but I didn't know. Did they. Does it really. Do they know how much I care about them? Did that send the message I wanted to catch? Cause I'm very grateful for this person.
07:17
Tab Norris
Yeah.
07:17
Tom Stanfill
It meant a lot to me, and I wanted them to know that. But, you know, people don't always say, you know, say it in a way that maybe I would say it or you, or maybe we're just busy, whatever. But I'm filtering my comments. Cause they may be listening to the podcast.
07:38
Tab Norris
That's a good point.
07:39
Tom Stanfill
They easily could be, but you know, what was all good stuff, though. Yeah. The big thing, I think, for me, for the week is I just decided to set my needs aside. Right. I just decided to set that aside. And in every situation I tried to say or think about, okay, yeah. How can I care more, learn more, do more? Like, with my wife, I was about to walk out of the house, and she always asks me when she's not feeling well for an ice pack, if she's awake and I'm leaving, she'll say, hey, will you give me an ice pack? And I was, of course I'll say, sure. Well, this. This week, I went and got. I got the ice pack without her asking and just put it on. It was, like, small things.
08:20
Tab Norris
Yeah.
08:20
Tom Stanfill
But she knows that I'm thinking about her and what she needs, so I'm anticipating the needs. And so she said something at the end of the day, and it probably.
08:29
Tab Norris
Meant a lot to her.
08:30
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. She said, hey, thank you for that. Like, you could tell she was. She really did appreciate it. So. Yeah, so, I I saw the. The benefits of how that landed on her. And one thing else I'll share, that was shared to me this week, my. By my daughter.
08:45
Tab Norris
Okay.
08:45
Tom Stanfill
And she has one of her children going to new school or new class. I think it's new class. The teacher called all of the students individually. Individually.
08:58
Tab Norris
Wow.
08:59
Tom Stanfill
To welcome them to her class and make them feel comfortable, because she knew that they would not be comfortable. And I. Tyndall was, like, blown away that this happened. And so what the interesting point to me is she tells people. Right. That's when you blow people's minds.
09:15
Tab Norris
Yeah.
09:15
Tom Stanfill
Like, what you just tell people talk like, people talk. So that's the benefit of it. So, yeah, so I thought it was great. Great week. So, so great week.
09:24
Tab Norris
You know, I can't wait. I hope we'll hear some stories from our listeners. I mean, I really would love to get some feedback for what they're bumping into and some things that are working for them.
09:36
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, we definitely are seeing some comments on the. People are saying they like it and seeing comments about the need to do it. And I've got some. Got some. Definitely some people shared some. So hopefully they continue to do stuff because it definitely has changed. Changed me. I made some. I'd set some meetings up this week I normally wouldn't have set up.
09:55
Tab Norris
Yep.
09:56
Tom Stanfill
I'm taking more time to have conversations because it's, again, so easy for us to get into task mode. I got to get these things done, but this is an investment in the people that we care about.
10:08
Tab Norris
Yep.
10:09
Tom Stanfill
So excellent. On to week four, the final weeks, which I think can be the most painful.
10:17
Tab Norris
Oh, it's the. I think it's a human being. It may be the hardest, isn't it? So the four of any ego is definitely hard.
10:26
Tom Stanfill
So the fourth verb of other centered people is that they see because this is what brings it all together. They know. So to other centered people, believe two things. One, they know that they can't see themselves accurately. Right. We all have a sign above our heads, all right? And we can't see it. But everybody else that interacts with us sees what's on our sign. And it's, by the way, it can be positive or negative. Like, there's things that I do well that I don't know that I do well, and there's things that I don't do well. You've told me. You've told me I don't do well. And other people. But there are things on our side we can't see ourselves. We all have a level of denial. Even if we don't want to have denial, we have a level of denial.
11:09
Tom Stanfill
There's been so many studies on this. My favorite is the one that talks about 95% of college professors think of themselves as above average. Rate their performances above average. Like, that's not. They're not answering. Are you above average? Yes.
11:28
Tab Norris
Yes, I am way above average.
11:30
Tom Stanfill
I want to talk to the 5%.
11:33
Tab Norris
Well, I think I'm pretty average. No, I'm kind of a little below average, but I have a lot of fun loving.
11:38
Tom Stanfill
I'm fun loving. Right. So even college professors, you know, like, they don't accurately rate themselves. So denial is a thing. So they know that. So they need to seek feedback. They also know that if I'm serious about being other centered, I will seek feedback.
11:56
Tab Norris
Yeah.
11:57
Tom Stanfill
Right. It's that you can't be other centered and go, well, hope it works.
12:05
Tab Norris
Oh, but I will say, yeah, it's, I don't know about you. When I really learned, I learned a lot about this when I started doing training.
12:18
Tom Stanfill
Oh, really?
12:19
Tab Norris
When you're speaking in your training.
12:21
Tom Stanfill
Oh, that's true. Yeah.
12:23
Tab Norris
I mean, I had you. You got to have to, you got to be comfortable with feedback because you're going to get it every time we're going to ask anonymous. We want real, and I'm not saying everybody does that, but you get some real feedback.
12:37
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, we're probably a little bit more tough and to callous to it. Yeah, we get feedback every time we stand in front of a. It's just part of the deal.
12:45
Tab Norris
So. Which I think is good. I mean, I think it's good because some people think about it, Tom. There's some people out there not really ever. Maybe they've never gotten much feedback, so this can be tough.
12:59
Tom Stanfill
That's a thing. Good. I'm glad you brought that up. That's the thing about the sign above our head. If we ignore it gets bigger.
13:04
Tab Norris
Yeah.
13:05
Tom Stanfill
Right. And that's. We meet people as they get older. It just. And what they do as the world doesn't start to work the way that they want it to work. Right. You either can say, well, maybe there's some. Maybe I'm the problem. But if they got a really big sign and they haven't given feedback, I think what they decide is they. Well, no, it's the world's fault.
13:24
Tab Norris
Yeah, it's not my fault.
13:25
Tom Stanfill
The reason I got a low score, the class, because the content wasn't good, because the room was warm, the food wasn't good, or we didn't have enough time, or they blamed you.
13:36
Tab Norris
That is true. That is where you can. You can take that. You probably do whatever you want with that feedback.
13:41
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
13:41
Tab Norris
So. Well, I was gonna. So why. Because we know it's hard. Why do you think it's. You've danced around this a little bit, but netting it out. Why is this so critical, to get feedback?
13:58
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, it's. And I kind of think about it in a couple of different ways. One is, you know, we talked about, if you're serious about being other centered. Right. You get feedback. Right. Because you like, if my goal is to serve the customer, I need to know how well I'm doing. Right.
14:12
Tab Norris
Right.
14:13
Tom Stanfill
Which, by the way, getting feedback will tell you if you're other centered.
14:17
Tab Norris
Oh, yeah. If you're actually.
14:20
Tom Stanfill
Okay, people give you feedback, you go, thank you. Like, yeah, it's a little painful, but thank you for letting me know that, you know, like, Mark. Mark, one of our partners, was on a call with a. With a new partner, and he just made a presentation, was in a client meeting, and was new relationship, and he. He said, like, hey, you know, we at Aslan, we speak the truth in love. We want to know the truth, but we want to speak it in love. He goes, so gently. Tell me how can I get.
14:50
Tab Norris
Gently, gently.
14:51
Tom Stanfill
You didn't say that way. But tell me, how can I. How can I get better?
14:55
Tab Norris
Yeah.
14:55
Tom Stanfill
How can I? How could I? And the guy was, oh, it was great. It was great. And you could tell the guy, he's like, you really want. He goes, well, he basically gave him feedback. He could give a little bit more concise answers. But the point is, Mark knows if he wants to do a good job of serving this customer, he's going to get their feedback. And so I think that's the key, because if a company's customer focused, if you say, hey, company's customer focused, great. That's great. How do we know they're customer focused? They talk to their customers. Exactly. They go, how's the product? I think it's going to hurt our performance. That's why it's so important. And I think of it this way, Tab, is that I wrote about this in the book. I remember discovering this about cancer.
15:43
Tom Stanfill
I was watching a documentary on cancer, and he says how cancer works is it would, your immune system would attack cancer and kill it. But the reason it cancer is so deadly is because it's immune to your immune system. Your immune system doesn't pick it up.
15:58
Tab Norris
Yeah.
15:59
Tom Stanfill
And so that's why it grows, because it just doesn't know it's there. And to me, that's the problem with not getting feedback and why it's so important. There are things that are hurting our ability to get what we want.
16:11
Tab Norris
Right.
16:12
Tom Stanfill
And if we really want it, there's people that know how to get what we want, and there's, there's barriers that we have or that are keeping us from getting what we want. And I think that's the, I think that's really the most important reason. What, what's your thoughts?
16:25
Tab Norris
Yeah, I mean, I agree. I, what I, what's gotten me is I see people now that I'm getting older, and you talked about it a little bit, but that is where I really see it. Like, you see things in people you think, we have relationships you've had forever, and they've never really gotten, been open to any kind of feedback. And you can tell they don't have relationships that are that open. They're just very closed people that you would not, they would, they've created an atmosphere, would not be comfortable to get any feedback, you know, I mean, and they're not asking for it. And then you see them grow older and they, I see such bitterness. You know, you'll see kind of bitterness creep in and you'll see, blame shifting. I don't know.
17:12
Tab Norris
I just, I'm starting to see some of that as I'm getting older in age. And so it's just highlighted the importance of it.
17:21
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
17:21
Tab Norris
I don't want to be that way.
17:22
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. Well, the signs don't get bigger and it's like I'm nothing going there.
17:26
Tab Norris
Yeah. And I don't want to be that.
17:28
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
17:28
Tab Norris
I just don't want that.
17:30
Tom Stanfill
Well, and I think that speaks to why it's so difficult. We know the benefits. I mean, if anybody just logically sat down and said, you know, do we all? We all can see how people have denial. We can all see how we have blind spots. Of course we should do that. But the reason that we don't is because it's painful. And I think the reason it's painful is because it's tied to our identity.
17:52
Tab Norris
Yeah.
17:53
Tom Stanfill
When you look at people who are who. We want to coach. Right. We want to coach, and they're very open to coaching. If they're like, hey, we all fail. We all struggle. We all got to get better. We're all kind of no big deal. I got to get better at something. It's like practicing golf. Yeah. We'll just go out there and practice or whatever sports you want to practice or singing or. It's no big deal. It's not. It's not who I am. I'm just learning how to do something, and that's about getting feedback. But when we say, oh, you're attacking me, but you're telling me I I don't measure up. That's why I think we avoid, it's feedback because it's too painful, because it's too personal.
18:31
Tab Norris
Yeah. Especially if you've been doing, like, you're, quote, an expert at something like, you know, I mean, that's hard for me. Sometimes I have to. Have to kind of check my ego at the door because I'm. I'm thinking, why in the world? I'm really going to need feedback on this? I'm supposed to be the best at this. I'm like. And it's. Which is dumb. I mean, the best people are always the best in anything or constantly still getting feedback. So why, like, think about sports? So why should we be any different? You know? Just, I've done something for 20 years or 30 years. That doesn't mean I've arrived. It's not personal.
19:04
Tom Stanfill
No.
19:04
Tab Norris
And we all have strengths, and we all have weaknesses, and I think that's the older I get. I'm starting to realize that, too. And that's okay. I can't be you, Tom. I can't. If I ever try to be you, I'm in trouble. And I am. I don't think you want to be me. I mean, we should be you.
19:19
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. Yeah. We're. It doesn't mean I'm less than. Because you're more than.
19:23
Tab Norris
Yeah. If you have strengths, and I. That was when we first started working together. I struggled with that a little bit. Cause, like, I want to do a lot of the things that he does so well. Cause I didn't realize I had strengths. Cause I didn't really. I didn't embrace those because I saw what you had as strengths. I thought, I want to just do that.
19:40
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, this is a really good point. This is also why we want to get feedback, because people. We need people to tell us about who we are in a positive sense. Right. So if we can. If you can magnify what you're good at and you get trusted people like, tab, you are amazing at this.
19:56
Tab Norris
Yeah.
19:57
Tom Stanfill
And you can hold on to that, and then you can start to let go or improve the things that you're like, hey, I'm not very good at that. But it doesn't become this complete. I suck.
20:08
Tab Norris
Yeah.
20:08
Tom Stanfill
Right. It's like, hey, I'm really good at this. And that's why also giving another benefit of feedback is you get a complete picture. Like, if I start, if I'm open to feedback and I don't blame shift I started, go. I can't. I'm not very good at this over here.
20:21
Tab Norris
Yeah.
20:21
Tom Stanfill
And I'm going to stop doing that. I'm going to focus more on this over here.
20:25
Tab Norris
Yeah.
20:26
Tom Stanfill
And that's freeing. And then it also makes me more open if it's not about who I am, it's about finding. It's finding out what I should be doing and what I should invest in, and I. Then it becomes. It comes a pain free. I mean, yes, it'll. There'll be things that people will tell you that are painful. And by the way, we don't have to listen to everybody.
20:44
Tab Norris
No, that's true.
20:45
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
20:46
Tab Norris
And I always say that just because you get feedback and you. I was just talking about this with a client a couple weeks ago and some group of managers, and were talking about that. They're like, well, sometimes, you know, they'll give me feedback and I just don't agree with it. And I said, that's fine, but don't say, well, I disagree with that and fight it. Go. Thank you.
21:03
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
21:04
Tab Norris
Thank you for telling me your, you know, your opinion and giving me your insight to. That means a ton to me because I'm constantly trying to get better. It's not like you're exactly. You're exactly right, because, I mean, you don't have to agree, but you sure don't want to create an atmosphere where you're not going to defensive, because that. That's. That's a problem.
21:23
Tom Stanfill
Well, that's a. I'm so glad you brought that up, tab, because for the sales leaders out there, I. The number one thing we want from our team members, when we're giving them feedback or giving them construction or teaching them or anything we need to do to course correct is we want them to embrace our feedback and listen to us.
21:40
Tab Norris
Right.
21:41
Tom Stanfill
Right. The number one way to get people to embrace what our feedback is, to embrace theirs. If we role model that behavior. And when people give us feedback or we seek feedback and we're like. And you create a culture of, like, this is a safe environment. We're all open. Everybody, I'm your leader. Not because I'm smarter or better, because I got here first or because I'm the one in charge of this team or. And I'm not in charge. I'm responsible for the success of this organization. Doesn't make me better than you. It's. My goal is to serve you. So I'm looking for feedback, and I'll give you feedback, and they will. They will respond to that. But if you're, as a leader, not open to feedback, no one else will.
22:24
Tab Norris
Yeah, I just. It just happened to me. I had one of my sales people join me for discovery meeting.
22:29
Tom Stanfill
Oh, really?
22:30
Tab Norris
We get done, and I'm like, you know, what could. What did I miss? You know, what could have. What could have. Could have happened? What would have been good? And. And shared a couple of things, and it was awesome. I was just like, thank you. You know, that's so good. I said, you're. I've been doing this a long time, and I. It's something you and I just talked about right before this. You know, it's like, that would have been really good to learn there. Yeah, I don't do that. I usually do it in a different time, but now that we're talking about this and that you're sharing that feedback, that's really good, because I'm. I'm putting myself at risk sometimes, and that's really good feedback. But you could easily be. I've been doing this for a long time. What?
23:15
Tom Stanfill
Why?
23:16
Tab Norris
You're gonna tell me how I need to do a better discovery meeting, you know? And it was really powerful.
23:22
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. That. That is. It's hard to do again, if we make it part of our identity, like we say. Well, you're saying I'm a bad leader, right? No, I'm just giving you feedback.
23:33
Tab Norris
It's a different perspective. I know some. You know, I've done it over here for a while. You've done it over here for a while. Here you go. Here's some perspective. So, anyway, very good.
23:43
Tom Stanfill
Wait. I sometimes think. I think a question that people maybe have in their mind is, well, who do I listen to? Do I listen to everybody? And I used to tell our kids this. I don't know where I heard this, but it wasn't original with me, but I used to tell our kids, if one person tells you're a horse, ignore them. But if three people tell you're a horse, buy a saddle.
24:08
Tab Norris
That's good.
24:09
Tom Stanfill
And that. And that.
24:11
Tab Norris
That was something that is true. I do that with feedback, with training. I used to deal with feedback. I'd be like, I just saw this three times. I probably need to make that change.
24:20
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, buy a saddle. And that became a thing in our household when somebody would, like, fight, you know, fight feedback, they like, yeah, everybody like, buy saddle. But, yeah. So it's. It's so important. It's hard to do, but. And I got it. I got to share this one other story before we leave, not making it part of your identity, because this had a really big impact on me. You remember Jean? Jean. I think it's Jean van de Velde.
24:45
Tab Norris
Oh, yeah.
24:47
Tom Stanfill
He was leading the british open. Yeah, he's a golfer that came out of nowhere. French golfer came out of nowhere. The British Open, 1990 something. I don't remember.
24:56
Tab Norris
I can see it like it was right now.
24:58
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, he was on the 18th hole, three shot lead, and he blew the lead by making a bad decision. And then that led to another bad decision with a bad. Then he freaked out. I don't know what happened, but he lost the golf tournament. I mean, no.
25:12
Tab Norris
Anybody that played golf, we just felt all that pain.
25:17
Tom Stanfill
Well, I heard one of the announcers of the Olympics say this about him. I'm pretty sure it was announced at Olympics or some sporting event. Some. And some of. One of the color guys or announcers said, I met him, Jean van der Velde. And he asked him about that, and he goes, and I love this. He goes, that was just one week of my life.
25:35
Tab Norris
Really?
25:37
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. He said, quote unquote, this is the guy telling it firsthand. He goes, that's. That does not define me.
25:45
Tab Norris
Wow.
25:46
Tom Stanfill
It's just one week of my life. I made it. I made. That was one go. Really? It was one golf hole.
25:52
Tab Norris
Yeah.
25:52
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.
25:53
Tab Norris
That doesn't define me for a lot of people that would. They would be like me.
25:57
Tom Stanfill
You could regret that. Freeze. Like, that's not. It's not who I am. So he can, you know, and that allows us to learn from it and move, but. Or we can get stuck, and we can be. We can make that our defining moment. So. So let's. That's. Is the challenge for the week.
26:13
Tab Norris
All right, here we go. The big commitment.
26:16
Tom Stanfill
Big commitment challenge for the week. We're gonna. I'm gonna ask. I'm gonna. I'm gonna ask people to do two things. This is. I'm asking myself this, as well. Find a trusted coach to provide honest feedback professionally and personally.
26:31
Tab Norris
Okay.
26:32
Tom Stanfill
Now, that might mean you get two coaches, right? And I have done this many times. And it's always been, enlightening.
26:44
Tab Norris
Yeah.
26:44
Tom Stanfill
But I remember it. It wasn't painful. And you also have to coach the people to let them know, I'm not. I'm not doing this just to get compliments. You know, I want. I want to get better. I need to know what my blind spots are. It's fine. If you want to give me some. Tell me some. Encourage me, but. And if you want to have, you know, half positive, half negative, great. But. And I wouldn't think about it. Negative. Just gaps, things you may not be aware of.
27:10
Tab Norris
Yeah.
27:12
Tom Stanfill
So that's the. The first challenge. And then we can talk. We can talk a little more about this tab. Once you weigh in every interaction, wherever possible, shift from talking or ignoring to seeking to being in the learning mode.
27:29
Tab Norris
Okay.
27:30
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. So, in other words, you're talking to somebody about politics, and they say. They say something about the politician you don't like. Instead of ignoring them or debating them, ask them questions about their politician or any meeting that we're in. Obviously, some probably won't make sense, like, where people are talking about what hamburger order. But, like, anytime you're in a setting, like, I remember I was in a situation where I was working out. This guy. I was in some hotel working out. A guy walked over to me and goes, you're doing it wrong. Like, I don't know you. But the first. I remember thinking about that go. The first question I shouldn't say is, who are you and why? You know, who are you to tell me this? I should have just said, is that true?
28:16
Tom Stanfill
Regardless of how they give me feedback or who they are. Is it true? So, goal is to seek truth and try to be in a learning mode all week. And anytime you're with somebody, just kind of try to shut off the, I'm sharing my opinion, or I'm shutting my brain off to new information and open our brain up and seek new information and see how that affects you.
28:38
Tab Norris
Love it. I love it. I I wanted, I was thinking about just, I want to get your opinion on this. Just finding a coach, finding your coaches. Do you think it matters? I mean, because I have a relationships where I already get feedback and I do. I have a feedback loop going on, you know what I mean? I feel like there's good feedback there. Tell me if you like this. I kind of want to find a fresh, I want to find, like, my wife and I do feedback. I mean, I don't. I want to pick somebody different. Like, I'd like to kind of, it feels a little scary to me, but I think I'm going to pick two people I've not really set up to do feedback with.
29:23
Tom Stanfill
That's a good idea.
29:24
Tab Norris
You know, I mean, that's going to stretch me a little bit more.
29:29
Tom Stanfill
Yeah. What I've been focused on is I think it was Andy Stanley that said this somewhere. He said, there's somebody that knows how to get what you want. That was like a really eye opening. Somebody knows how to get what you want. And I've been in, like, our offices, you know, like, I've had people in our offices who are where I was in 1996.
29:52
Tab Norris
Yeah.
29:53
Tom Stanfill
You know, like, they're new to our business and they're trying to figure it out and make money and get started and build a clientele. And I'm in the office next to them, I'm 10ft away, and all they got to do is walk in and say, hey, you already did this. What do you think?
30:06
Tab Norris
Wow.
30:07
Tom Stanfill
Right? And I remember that, and I think, do I do that? I remember meeting a guy. I mean, I'm here, we have a sales training company. It's all built. We travel all the world for salespeople. And I'm sitting next to the bar in an airport, and guy, I'm like, what do you do? And he's like, sales guy. And he tells me about a sales, and he goes, what do you do? I go, well, I own a sales training company. Didn't ask me one.
30:30
Tab Norris
Like, what's important, man, you've probably seen it all. What would you give a tip for me as a young sales guy?
30:37
Tom Stanfill
So typical of the way we work. It's like, yeah, you can think about it. Like, we trained a hundred thousand people in 40 countries. Like, if you learned anything doing that, it doesn't mean I'm smarter or better. It's just I've been around the block a couple times. Maybe I could share some. Maybe I know people. Maybe not. One question.
30:57
Tab Norris
Oh, that's. That's interesting. That's interesting.
31:00
Tom Stanfill
I think so if we think about. I think this is good for both of us. We think about who we typically get feedback from, who are people that know how to get what we want.
31:09
Tab Norris
Yeah.
31:10
Tom Stanfill
And go talk to them. But they need to know us.
31:14
Tab Norris
I know, and I haven't quite figured this out, but I'm just. I'm kind of. I don't want to just go to my natural. I want to do a little bit more than. And I think that's really what you're saying. I need to think about it. But they do need to know us. I mean, it can't be. It has to be somebody that knows us pretty well.
31:29
Tom Stanfill
Unless you say. Unless you can be honest about who you are. I think it really is somebody. Like, like, I. Like, I'm thinking about somebody. I can talk to you right now, as we're having this conversation, I'm picking. I'm thinking about somebody that I've never asked this question to. Who knows? Who knows me.
31:46
Tab Norris
Yeah.
31:47
Tom Stanfill
Like, and so I think I could go to him and say, hey, look, you know me. You know. You know me in my role.
31:53
Tab Norris
Yeah.
31:53
Tom Stanfill
Tell me the truth. What. What should I do? What do I not know about myself and what I should. What should I be doing differently to get what I want?
32:00
Tab Norris
Yeah.
32:01
Tom Stanfill
And he. And he actually knows me personally and professionally, and he could tell me, but as I'm saying this, I'm feeling fear.
32:09
Tab Norris
Well, yeah. Well, that's why I said it, because I feel the same way. I could do this without having a fearful kind of setup, but I think I want to go somewhere that's a little scarier.
32:19
Tom Stanfill
No, I want to have the fear because telling me it's not say, he says you need to change your role because you're not good at this. You never will be. Let's say. That's. That's what he said.
32:30
Tab Norris
Okay.
32:31
Tom Stanfill
Two things come to mind.
32:32
Tab Norris
One, you need to move to. You're gonna be a professional badminton player, Tom. That's what I really think you need.
32:37
Tom Stanfill
I watched the guys that played badminton, which, by the way, is a sport in the Olympics. And, yeah, that's probably my thing. Yeah. Because I'm thinking, what. What is that gonna mean to me financially? What does it mean? You know, what is that gonna. Am I gonna feel like I suck? But that's. I mean, I don't need to be. I don't need to avoid the truth. The truth is the truth.
33:01
Tab Norris
Yep. Yeah, I think it's good. Well, anyway, we got, we got some. Something we can work on.
33:08
Tom Stanfill
Beautiful. Beautiful. And I would also remind her to focus on the positive and the negative, the gap.
33:15
Tab Norris
And I think that's really important because there, it's been very encouraging to me when I get. I do things well that I had no idea I did and you do. You're the same way. And that really is encouraging.
33:29
Tom Stanfill
Like do more of that.
33:31
Tab Norris
Yes. Yeah. Because it's like, I didn't realize I did that. Well, that's kind of who I am. That's encouraging. I mean, it's. We want to be encouraged. I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with that.
33:42
Tom Stanfill
Right?
33:42
Tab Norris
I mean, we need to kind of know what our strength is so we can kind of.
33:45
Tom Stanfill
Exactly. Well, when were and when we live in reality, two things happen. One is we can say, well, I'm not. I'm free to go do something and find the thing I'm going to thrive in. Like, I'm tired of. I'm tired of pushing the ball uphill and I'm going to go do something that I love and I'm going to thrive in. It freezes up to do that.
34:03
Tab Norris
Yeah.
34:04
Tom Stanfill
Or we can, you know, get better at something or realize that, hey, oh, okay. I can just do this a little differently and I'm going to be so much more successful.
34:14
Tab Norris
Yep. All right. Well, I like it. Beautiful finale.
34:18
Tom Stanfill
Good.
34:18
Tab Norris
Good. Tough final challenge.
34:21
Tom Stanfill
So decide. Let's leave a good. Remember to decide. The worst week was just decide that people in your life, they're the priority, not you. Make the other people the priority. Make a decision about who you're going to choose, who you're going to serve and what are your priorities. Personal and professional care more, learn more, do more, which is serve more. And then the last week, which is this week. Seek. Seek feedback. All right, beautiful. I'm glad people joined us for this OC challenges tab. I think encouraged everybody do. We'd love to see comments because it encourages me, encourages other people. How did it help? What did you learn? I'd love to see this go viral. I'd love to see people instead of just focusing on their physical health, also focus on their emotional health by taking the OC challenge.
35:12
Tom Stanfill
All right, my friend, thanks for joining me again and always good to see you and I hope everybody has a great, amazing week.
