Welcome to SALES with ASLAN, a weekly podcast hosted by ASLAN Co-founders Tom Stanfill and Tab Norris, geared at helping sales professionals and sales leaders eliminate the hard sell. At the end of the day, we believe that selling is serving. ASLAN helps sellers make the shift from a ‘typical’ sales approach, to one that makes us more influential because we embrace the truth that the customer’s receptivity is more important than your value prop or message.

The goal of these interviews is to spotlight various experts in the world of sales and sales leadership – sharing informational stories, techniques, and expert interviews on the sales topics you care about.

The following are notes from EP. 201 The Other Centered Challenge PT. 2 Choose

We are in week two of the #OtherCenteredChallange and Tom and Tab dive deep into the transformative power of 'OC 30'. This weeks word is choose- how determining your priorities should determine where you choose to spend your time. Join us and discover how prioritizing others for 30 days can feel like a refreshing detox for your mind and soul.

Tom and Tab share personal experiences from the first week, including how this shift in focus has helped navigate busy schedules and find new motivation. They discuss the importance of conscious prioritization, the art of saying no, and why self-care is essential to sustaining this challenge. We challenge you to create your own priority list and start aligning your actions with your goal!

Listen below:

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00:08
Tom Stanfill
Well, thanks for joining us for another episode of sales with ASLAN. Tab, as always, it's good to see you, my friend.

00:10
Tab Norris
It's good to see you always.

00:11
Tom Stanfill
It's a guaranteed. It's a guaranteed meeting that. A weekly meeting that I mostly.

00:18
Tab Norris
Mostly weekly meeting keeps us connected.

00:21
Tom Stanfill
Keeps us connected. So, for those of you who missed last week's episode tab, do you think that's possible that somebody.

00:29
Tab Norris
No, no. Nobody misses.

00:31
Tom Stanfill
Nope. They did. They probably need.

00:33
Tab Norris
They made it. Maybe they didn't pay attention as much as they normally would, but, yeah, maybe they missed.

00:38
Tom Stanfill
Part crazy. Tall crazy. Well, we might have a new lit. We might.

00:42
Tab Norris
Well, we got new listener.

00:43
Tom Stanfill
Right. Listener. Nobody missed. We might have a new listener. We are in the middle of something we've never done before.

00:50
Tab Norris
Yeah.

00:51
Tom Stanfill
Which is a. Oh, we call it OC 30. So an OC 30 other centered 30 day challenge. Call it the OC 30. And. And again, for those of us who don't know we're talking about, we both, Tab and I, have had seen the impact of doing a 30 day detox. My favorites. Whole 30.

01:12
Tab Norris
Yup. And I've done that, too.

01:13
Tom Stanfill
Diet. Kind of a diet to see. Sort of like, it helps you see the impurities in your body. It shows you have you change your diet how. How you'll have more energy and healthy and all the things that are positive about that. So, always use lose to, like, seven pounds. So that's always good as well.

01:27
Tab Norris
Then you gain back ten. But that's okay. That's all good.

01:32
Tom Stanfill
Well, I haven't been drinking for a week for a month.

01:35
Tab Norris
Yeah, you lose seven pounds in alcohol, weights.

01:38
Tom Stanfill
That's not the way it's supposed to work, but. I know. But the cool thing about the whole 30 for me is I see it's easy enough to do, but it's also long enough. It's not too long, and it's not too short. It's like, it's long enough for me to see the results. And I go, oh, wow, this is how carbs are affecting me. Or this is how beer is affecting me. Or this. And so my thought was, as we shared on the last episode, is by taking sort of a detox from ourself, we might see some impurities that are, you know, if we go through this cleanse, we might see how we're. Maybe how we think about ourselves could keep us from peak performance. So that's what we're doing. So last week was the first verb of another centered person.

02:24
Tom Stanfill
The first action is they make a decision. They decide to put others first.

02:29
Tab Norris
Yeah.

02:30
Tom Stanfill
Right. And so that was the challenge. Looks like we're before every meeting, and were getting intentional before every meeting, social and professional make a decision to put others first. So. So, you know, obviously we did that.

02:44
Tab Norris
Yeah. How'd you do? How'd you do? That's the big question, Tom. I want to hear. Our listeners want to hear how you did on week one.

02:52
Tom Stanfill
How did I do on week one? Yeah. You know, it's interesting. I mean, I'll share some positives. Like, we have our leaders meeting on Monday, and I realized that's an area where I can be selfish. It's like, here's what. And there's some benefits for being. If you're leading the meeting and I'm in my position, I need to get certain things done. But when I shifted my focus and just was there to try to help serve the people that were the other leaders on the call, I felt so much more relaxed. I didn't worry about my performance. I was much more curious. I was. I was. It just the meeting went so much better for me. I don't know if you.

03:36
Tab Norris
Well, I will.

03:37
Tom Stanfill
As a.

03:37
Tab Norris
As a participant in that meeting. Yeah, I can tell. I mean, it's obvious.

03:43
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

03:44
Tab Norris
And, I mean, really, it was funny having this on our mind anyway, which is part of the great thing about this. It makes me more aware of it as well as a participant, and I. It really is. It was just. It's relaxing. There's just a. It's a. There's a. And this is probably true for why this is so important. There's just. It's a. There's. It's a tension that goes away. There's a. There's a. It's almost like a lightness that comes. And. And by the way, when I share my stories, I had the same. I had the same feeling. It's just. It's a lightness. There's just a relax. It creates more of a relaxed atmosphere, which is incredible.

04:22
Tom Stanfill
And that's where my. My selfishness shows up. My self centeredness shows up when I'm in a performant, in a situation where I'm supposed to perform. So, you know, like in sales, for example, if I'm in a discovery meeting, I don't feel like I need to perform. Like, it's easier for me to be other centered. How can I help them? What's going on? Does it even make sense? The win is so obvious, because if I try to sell something too early, it's stupid. Or I might try to pursue an unqualified opportunity. So the win is obvious. I'm not really performing. It's easy for me to be the other center. It's like a habit of.

04:54
Tom Stanfill
But when I'm in a performance situation where I feel, quote unquote, on stage, which I'm leading an important meeting, or I'm speaking, and at the end of this situation, somebody's going to be going, that was. That was good, or that was bad, right? That's when it becomes about me, because I don't want a bad score. And so that's where a lot of my fear is. That's where I can get selfish. So that was. That was kind of a breakthrough for me or a kind of an impurity that I could see in. In my way of operating. How about. How about. And I've got. I've got a. I've got a. I had a selfish Sunday with my wife because I came from our fishing trip.

05:32
Tab Norris
Yeah.

05:33
Tom Stanfill
And, I was. We got, you know, were up all night, and, I kind of said, I think I'm gonna take Sunday and focus on myself. So. But my wife handled it. She was other centered, so it was fine. But I was aware of it. I was aware of it, and I acknowledged it, and that was important.

05:49
Tab Norris
Yeah. Yeah. I, I had a. I had a really good. I had the opposite on my Sunday. And you and I were up, obviously. We had a crazy travel schedule and, you know, up. Up all night and no sleep, and you get home, and it's perfect time to be selfish. And I. Because of our challenge, I made the decision. I was on the couch, watch the little open, you know, whatever, and watch a little golf, and. And I thought of our challenge, and I. My wife had been by herself all week. I was out having fun, catching trout. You know, life was great.

06:26
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, that sounds.

06:27
Tab Norris
And I came back. That was very difficult. My arm hurt from all that, so I literally. Tom, I know my wife's love language. It's acts of service. And there have been a couple of pending things around the house that I knew were driving her crazy that I never get to. I got up. She wasn't even there. She'd gone and do some errands. I got up. Like, I fixed the gutter on the front of the house, which was a huge pain. It is 100 degrees. I'm cutting my hands all sliced up. Then I go paint something in a bathroom. I mean, I, like, accomplished all these things, and I was exhausted. And she comes home, and I mean, she was beaming. I mean, you have no idea the impact that had. And it was. It was like, it was so great.

07:19
Tab Norris
Great example of actually doing what we talked about and seeing the benefit of that and. And whatever. I was going to be tired anyway, and it was really great.

07:27
Tom Stanfill
That is okay. So. But I will say, people, what time you got home?

07:31
Tab Norris
I got home at. I got home at 645 in the morning. Had not slept since about 645.

07:38
Tom Stanfill
Five, 6 hours. We got home.

07:42
Tab Norris
Blew all night.

07:43
Tom Stanfill
I was home. Yeah. So you. Yeah, I did not do that.

07:47
Tab Norris
So we had no sleep, and then I got a two.

07:49
Tom Stanfill
What?

07:49
Tab Norris
A two, three hour nap. That's when I got home and saying.

07:52
Tom Stanfill
How did you win the other center prize?

07:54
Tab Norris
Well, and then I did real quick. I had a not so other centered moment. So I did fail as well. And it was funny. I'm a little different. This was an internal meeting, and I think I get self centered when I get flustered. Like, it's not about. I mean, I don't know if I do it as much about performing as I'm. As much as I don't feel in control. There's something I'm getting. This is a good thing about this exercise is I'm getting connected to this, but it's like I'm working with an associate, and I'm trying to get them ready for an important meeting, and they're not doing it right. And it's. I'm just.

08:40
Tom Stanfill
I didn't go into that or something.

08:43
Tab Norris
No, I was. I'm completely impatient.

08:44
Tom Stanfill
He was.

08:45
Tab Norris
He was. It was. He was not doing it right. It was taking too much time, and I just found myself getting snippy. I'm barking at him. I'm. I'm. I'm just being completely self centered.

08:57
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

08:58
Tab Norris
Because he's just messing up my. He's not doing it right and. And. And it. When I just caught myself because you.

09:06
Tom Stanfill
More time.

09:07
Tab Norris
Yeah. I don't. It's so dumb to think about it. Why am I getting all upset about it? I mean, I'm supposed to be helping this guy. It's not his fault. I mean, it's not his fault. He's just trying to figure it out and trying to learn, and here I am. I'm just being awful because I didn't do what I needed to do before that meeting because I didn't think I had to. It's just a dumb internal meeting. Whatever. Well, I violated what we said were going to do that.

09:31
Tom Stanfill
You know, tab, this brings up a really good point about why the word is decide, because I think our intention is always to be other centered. If you, most people you meet, if you say, you know, do you think you should, you know, help other people, serve other people, be customer focused, how, whatever language people want to use, they almost everybody would say yes. Right. We all intend to do that. But if you get, you know, what has to happen before all these meetings that we have that are important, you know, just like we're going fishing, am I the priority? Am I going to try to get the best guide in the best boat, the best position?

10:07
Tab Norris
Right.

10:07
Tom Stanfill
Or am I there to help other people, you know, have a good time? It's. It's what somebody's first. Right. And so if you're coaching, and that sounds like the situation.

10:16
Tab Norris
That's what this was, a coaching situation.

10:17
Tom Stanfill
You'Re like, you got to stop and say, okay, is this going to go better if it's about helping them do something better, or is this going to go better if I can get them to do what I want them to do?

10:29
Tab Norris
Yeah.

10:30
Tom Stanfill
Quickly. Quickly. Right. Whatever. It's like. And, you know, if you stop and make that decision, you know, it's gonna. You're gonna go, oh, it's actually, I'm gonna. I'm gonna deny my intuition, just kind of do. The gravity is gonna pull me to doing it the way I would normally do it, but it works so much better when we make that decision.

10:50
Tab Norris
Yeah, you're.

10:52
Tom Stanfill
So if you haven't, you're listening to us and you haven't tried the first week. So here's the first week again, just to repeat it. Just spend one week, and we're not even asking you to change. We're just asking you to make a decision, to make the other people the priority. So if you don't, just kind of watch what happens in the meeting and.

11:13
Tab Norris
You'Ll show you where you. I love. That's a big takeaway, Tom. It kind of gives you, it shows you what are triggers for you if you don't do it, which I think is interesting. I think we both had some aha. Moments around that, and the key is the decision.

11:26
Tom Stanfill
So make a deliberate decision before every meeting to put others first, and then just see what happens. Just do it for a week.

11:33
Tab Norris
Yep.

11:34
Tom Stanfill
And that will. That'll help you see what is life like without, quote unquote, drinking beer.

11:41
Tab Norris
Exactly. It's not good, Tom.

11:44
Tom Stanfill
Or carbs or sugar or whatever. Beautiful. All right, so we're, now we're at week two. So this is the second verb. So we talked about being another centered person. The first thing they do is decide that I'm going to be more successful and more fulfilled if I serve. The second thing they have to do, which this whole thing hinges on, is choose who they serve, because we can't serve everybody. If we try to serve everybody, we'll serve no one. If we're strategic with our time, this other centered thing really pays off. If we just haphazardly try to serve everybody, we will be miserable. It won't go well, and we'll go this other sort of things for free.

12:26
Tab Norris
Right.

12:28
Tom Stanfill
Is a stupid idea.

12:30
Tab Norris
Yep.

12:30
Tom Stanfill
So that's. That's this week. Now the challenge is, and this is something you and I talked about pre show is. This is difficult.

12:41
Tab Norris
Yeah.

12:41
Tom Stanfill
It's. We got a lot of stuff coming at us.

12:44
Tab Norris
Mm. Yeah. And it, and then I think it's. I think it's difficult for all personalities, all people. I mean, it mean, because it's just easy. You have to be so intentional.

12:58
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

12:58
Tab Norris
And very intentional. And if you're not intentional, it really. It'll bite you and.

13:05
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, well, for most of us, pressure dictates our priorities.

13:08
Tab Norris
Yeah.

13:09
Tom Stanfill
And so we, you know, like, there's things going on in my family right now that no one's putting pressure on me, but if I don't choose to say, where are they on the priority, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go where the pressure is. Right. And there's always pressure at business or there might be a friend that says, hey, I need you. Right. Even though my wife may not be saying that because she's sick right now, and she's not going to say, well, I need you home. Right. She's not, she's not going to say that, she's too other centered.

13:41
Tab Norris
Yeah.

13:41
Tom Stanfill
But, you know, my father might need me right now. He just had somebody pass away, a close relative pass away. And, you know, he's not going to call me and say, hey, I need, but that may be where I need to spend my time. But, yeah. So we. I think it's difficult to think of all the people that we know work, personal. It's tough.

14:00
Tab Norris
Yep.

14:01
Tom Stanfill
But I. This scenario where I've done a couple of things right, and I'm seeing the benefits of that now.

14:08
Tab Norris
Okay, give me an example.

14:10
Tom Stanfill
Well, I mean, I made an early decision, and then probably this, somebody told me this. I probably learned this from somebody, but I was in my early twenties, and I made decisions about my career because I had four children, and I said, there's certain things I will not do.

14:24
Tab Norris
Yeah.

14:24
Tom Stanfill
Like, I would not take a job where I would travel, but probably my father had a lot of influence on me. Like, I remember being really interested in the hotel business, and he explained, if you're in the hotel business, you'll move a lot, because if you're good at it, you're going to go to a hotel. If you do a good job of turning that hotel around, they're going to. They'll send you to another hotel. And I'm, like, not doing that. So my priority, I knew for sure that when I was raising the family that my priority was my family. I was not going to sacrifice my family for my career. That was one of the things that I did well, and I am seeing the fruits of that decision. I've made a lot of mistakes with my time, but that's not one of them.

15:04
Tab Norris
Yeah, yeah. I. I didn't. You were an impact on me on that front with my. Because, you know, obviously we started working together. I was just having children and, you know, I did not. I was not raised that way. My, my dad traveled, and I just thought that's what you did as a business person. So I didn't think about that at all. And then I have these kids and I'm watching you make choices. And I don't think I did so great in the beginning, but then after a while, I had a couple. I didn't, I don't know if you even remember this, but I did about, I don't even know, four or five months in a row. I went overseas in our early days of Aslan, and we always use. Yeah, yeah, I did. I did, like, back to. Back to back months.

15:52
Tab Norris
I had went overseas. And so I was gone for a long stretch, you know, longer than normal, maybe seven days. And I just remember I. It was taking its toll on my family.

16:03
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

16:04
Tab Norris
And my wife encouraged me. She said, this is too hard. And so I made the decision to choose. I would not. And you know this. I didn't go, I didn't do over international travel for a long time. And I just said, I will own, I said it to you guys, I will only go if it is absolutely life or death. If not, I'm gonna. I'm not going to travel more than three days. I'm gonna choose my family. And I'm. To me, that meant I cannot be gone more than three nights in a row. And I'm. That is gonna. And I never gave in on that. That was a decision I had to make. And by the way, I got pushback. Clients would say, and it's amazing how if you. I just said, this is a commitment I made to my family.

16:50
Tab Norris
And I, you know, they didn't always like it, but they. They respected me for it.

16:55
Tom Stanfill
Now, think about those clients now.

16:57
Tab Norris
Yeah.

16:57
Tom Stanfill
And think about choosing that client, whoever that client is and how important that decision or difficult that decision was to make at that time.

17:05
Tab Norris
Yeah.

17:06
Tom Stanfill
And now fast forward, your kids are. One of your kids is married, one just is in college, one's, you know. Yeah.

17:13
Tab Norris
Working in the world. Yeah.

17:14
Tom Stanfill
I'm gone to West Point. I mean, you're all kids are amazing. Your family. Think about. Think about that decision of, like, choosing that client.

17:22
Tab Norris
And it seems so minor at the time. Like, you know, it just.

17:25
Tom Stanfill
Well, now it seems minor.

17:26
Tab Norris
It seemed minor, but, I mean, it seemed like a big deal for the client, but it seemed minor to me and my impact on my family. I mean, that's just what I'm saying. It's like, am I really. Am I. Am I over. Really a big deal? Yeah, it's a big deal to be with that client. Is this really gonna make a big difference in my family? And to your point, both extremes played out.

17:45
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

17:45
Tab Norris
The client thing now is like, whatever. I don't even remember who the client was. But the impact on my family, because you build that over all those years, it's huge impact.

17:55
Tom Stanfill
Well, that's the thing about our roles and our family. We are the only ones that fulfill that role. Almost every other life, every other part of our life. Other people can do things.

18:06
Tab Norris
Yeah.

18:06
Tom Stanfill
Like, with customers, I could go and deliver because my kids are older. I could go deliver that for you if you needed me to. Orlando. But there's only one place that only I can be a dad or a spouse, and that's my family. And so that's. That was always. That was. That was one of the areas where I chose. Well, I struggle in other areas, but I think what was. What's helpful, maybe we could start off big picture and talk about kind of the way that I think about it. See the way that you think about it. I think of two circles.

18:41
Tab Norris
Okay.

18:42
Tom Stanfill
Right. I have professional circle. Like, think about, like, it's a. This. When I say circle, it's like, think of it as a target. Like, there's a bullseye center. Or like a dartboard, where there's a.

18:50
Tab Norris
Yeah, like a dartboard. Okay.

18:52
Tom Stanfill
There's a really small bullseye. Bull's eyes. My. Was my wife. It's my wife. Like, that was. I realized my life falls apart if I don't make her. But she is my priority.

19:01
Tab Norris
Yeah.

19:02
Tom Stanfill
Then it's my children and so forth. And so then there's a close circle of friends, and then you move out, and I. And so that's the priority. So you started the middle of the circle and move out. And then I had a professional. Right. Circle circles, you know, where I'd say, what's the inner circle like? Like for us, like in leaders, it's like, it's our team.

19:23
Tab Norris
Yep.

19:24
Tom Stanfill
Right. Or is it customer? Right. Those are, you know, those are. Those are difficult decisions about, well, am I going to choose? Because you have to make those decisions. Like, if I'm more at writing with a rep, and I'm like, okay, there's a customer, or there's a rep who's more important. So a lot of people think it's a customer because they'll say, well, we could lose this customer, or, you know, I need to save the deal, so I'll step in and I'll do the work, or. And obviously, there's a balance there, but we have to make these decisions, or it's going to be made for us. And so I think of two sort of circle maps, if you will, where I've got professional and personal, and then I make a decision. Which one's more important?

20:01
Tom Stanfill
Is it my personal life is more important or my professional life? Now, I know there's seasons when I might choose professional, but that was the way. That's the way that I think about it.

20:11
Tab Norris
Yeah. No, I really. I do the same exact thing. I mean, I really do. And it's not always easy, but I have the same. And you and I are very similar. I have the same deal. If I'm. If I. If I net it out, this is the most important thing. And if I get that wrong now, I think in the professional world can be a little different. I'm sure. But. But if you. One of my. From a professional standpoint, Tom, you may not even remember this. I was talking to a client yesterday about this. You talk about choose. He was frustrated with his team.

20:50
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

20:51
Tab Norris
Like, you know, I just don't think they're really prioritizing properly, and I don't know if they're, you know, they're not. They're going after or they're spending their time wisely. And I just. I said something that you and I have said many a times. For every deal that you. That you get, you lose a deal.

21:08
Tom Stanfill
Every deal you're pursuing, you lose a deal. Right.

21:09
Tab Norris
Right. So, so if you get it, you're pursuing it, you're going after it, you're losing a deal. And so we have to.

21:15
Tom Stanfill
Because you don't have that. You're giving up time. You're giving up time spending time on this deal. You're not giving time to another deal. Right.

21:20
Tab Norris
That's right. So this is a great example of that professional target. And, and I said, I remember vividly the first year that Tom and I started as, and we got done with year one. You made more money than me and you worked less than me. It was a great visual. I'm like, I'm not going to keep doing this because I asked you. And you said, yeah, I choose who I work with. It may take more time. And he goes, you said to me, Deb, you know what you do? You just take whatever's in front of you. Go sell anybody anything. You don't care. I wasn't strategic, but I wasn't choosing wisely, which was, I think it hurt me. I think it hurts everybody. I mean, it was. And that's. And it's just self centered.

22:04
Tab Norris
It hurt me as a dad, as a parent, you know, because I'm just. The repercussions of that. They just.

22:10
Tom Stanfill
Well, and I think it's because we don't have the criteria. Yeah. If I'm in sales or when I was in sales or when I'm still entering in sales, I don't have a quota and I don't have a territory and I don't have a right. But, but when I did, and I said, you know, that's my priority. It's. Right. Like, I had very tight criteria because I was taught this right on how to choose, my inner circle was really furious. It was like, you know, is the opportunity real? Can you win? Is it worth winning? We teach this. I had my criteria, and I would say I am choo. And I was very, I think what, you get confidence over the years as you start to practice this because it also makes you a better seller. People are more.

22:46
Tom Stanfill
I think you have more credibility when they can tell that you're choosing them versus begging for the deal. And you're like, let's talk about what you're trying to do and see if this is a fit because I don't know if I can provide what you need. And so I had very specific criteria, and based on how their answers to the questions that I'm asking or their willingness to answer the question would tell me, is this in the inner circle.

23:07
Tab Norris
That's it.

23:08
Tom Stanfill
Which. And then I doesn't mean I don't have the next circle. Right. The second tier circle. And that goes, okay, well, you're a b opportunity, not an a. Yeah, but I'm giving my time to a, and then when I'm done with a, I go to b and go to c because I only got limited time, and otherwise we just wander around and respond to requests.

23:27
Tab Norris
And that's exactly what it is. So crazy. And I'm here to tell you, it's night and day. It makes a major difference to make those choices, and it works.

23:37
Tom Stanfill
I did the same thing when I was first gotten sales. I remember my sales manager said the same. Either you're either you have a problem closing or you're pursuing deals. And I'm like, I don't know, but.

23:51
Tab Norris
I can close everything. I'm great. I'm awesome.

23:54
Tom Stanfill
I'm just. I'm just supposed to be likable.

23:56
Tab Norris
Yeah, exactly. I mean, I'm not going to not close a deal. Someone just said, one of my salespeople said that to me, you know, we don't want to not work these. I said, yeah, we do. Yeah. I guarantee. I guarantee you we do not want to close some of these deals.

24:13
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

24:14
Tab Norris
But they're just wasted opportunities. I know they're not.

24:18
Tom Stanfill
Well, the other, the other challenge, I think if you're a leader, I think you've got to decide who's in the inner circle.

24:28
Tab Norris
Yes.

24:30
Tom Stanfill
In professional, because there's, I mean, they've got it, you know, is it your, I mean, sometimes there's a challenge of, is it the people that are managing you or is it the people that you're leading? And so those are typical. So because you're put in situations where it's like, my team needs me, but my boss needs me.

24:49
Tab Norris
Yeah.

24:49
Tom Stanfill
So how. And again, this isn't a perfect science, but if you're clear about your priorities, because if I put my team first, they're going to follow me. If I'm for them. Right. They're going to be more successful. Right. And then if they're successful, we're going to hit our number. I can't do it. All my leadership's about leverage. And so, you know, those are tough decisions, though.

25:10
Tab Norris
But that's a, that is a really good example, I think, for the, for everybody listening, because that can be one of the hardest things you have to do. But, but it's like managing up.

25:20
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, it's managing.

25:21
Tab Norris
It's like, and if. And if you. But you've got to be so committed and confident that you've made that choice because that's. If you're not confident, you're going to get crushed. But it's like, I need to tell you why I'm making this decision, boss.

25:33
Tom Stanfill
That's the.

25:34
Tab Norris
This I have, yes, I have poured myself in. This is what I'm committed to and I want you to understand what you're asking me to do is going to hurt my team and I've committed that they are my number one priority. Nine times out of ten, that leader is going to so respect you for making that decision.

25:50
Tom Stanfill
I've heard it said this way. I don't know. I don't know if I've ever said this because it's been a long time since I had to manage up, but that's why I started my own company. So.

26:00
Tab Norris
Well, me, you and I, we did the same thing. I didn't really want to have to manage up, so we just started our.

26:05
Tom Stanfill
You know, earlier my career. But I've heard it said this way and I can't remember where I heard this or I just imagined it or I've just, you know, like our friend Jackson, I probably have said this before, who's an excellent, brilliant business leader, but I've heard him say, okay, here are the ten things that I'm doing for my team. Here's my priorities. This is how I've made my decisions about where I'm going to spend my time. You tell me which one of these you don't want me to do. They're going to say, I want you to do all of them and still go to the meeting. That's what they're going to say. And then that's not an option. And I always try to remind people this. In workshops, you get fired for one thing, lack of performance.

26:54
Tab Norris
Yeah.

26:54
Tom Stanfill
You don't get fired for going, not going to meetings. You don't get fired for not responding to emails. I mean, obviously there's a certain level of participation, but I'm just basically. But you will get fired if you don't perform. And if, you know, you're clear about who you're serving and what you're doing and why you're doing it, people will respond to that. And by the way, if they don't, that tells you something about, you got a bigger problem. You got a bigger problem.

27:22
Tab Norris
I love it. I love it. So here's. I was going to. So. And I think we've kind of been dancing around this, but I think it's a good question. I wanted to pose to you, Tom, what happens if we don't choose, like kind of net that out? I mean, how would you if you don't.

27:42
Tom Stanfill
Yeah, I think, and I said this earlier, is that you're, the pressure determines your priorities. Is that what we do is we end up ignoring the people and opportunities that are most important.

27:52
Tab Norris
Okay.

27:53
Tom Stanfill
So it, that's the bottom line.

27:55
Tab Norris
If you want to net it out.

27:56
Tom Stanfill
The current takes you away from what's most important. I can't explain that. It just does.

28:02
Tab Norris
That's a really good way to say that. And we've been dancing all around it, but I really like that it just, the current takes you away to what's not important.

28:10
Tom Stanfill
I don't know why it doesn't take.

28:11
Tab Norris
You to the things matter.

28:13
Tom Stanfill
I don't know why all of life is in sort of decay. It's like everything is, it's like the ball, you let the ball go, it rolls down the hill. It's like everything. It's about people that are successful in all areas of life are very intentional about saying, this is where I'm going to spend my time. We get so much distractions, so much noise. I mean, all the leads that you hardly ever have a company, and let's just say in our world, who's a highly qualified large enterprise account that fights to get your time.

28:44
Tab Norris
Yeah.

28:45
Tom Stanfill
Right. It's like you're. But you got all these other people that will, you know, who will suck up. And it's hard. And I think that the reason it is so difficult is because there are people involved, like, they need your help. They want your help there. And it feels good to be wanted, and it feels. It's not fun to fight.

29:06
Tab Norris
Yeah, I think that's a really good point because that, it begs that next question. Why is that? Why is this so difficult? And if I was going to think about it, for me personally, I, I don't know if you're this way. I'm a better receiver than giver. Like, I mean, I'm sorry. I'm a better giver than receiver. Like, I. I want. I don't. I have no problem, Tom, if you want to put me out to help you do something, that's fine. I don't mind doing that. But I don't really want to put you out. So it's easy for me to think I don't want somebody they have. I mean, I'm just going to use an example. They got five salespeople, and there's no growth potential, and they want me to come speak at the. Their conference. I want to help them out.

29:52
Tab Norris
You know, I mean, I really do. I mean, like, I'm the kind of person that I want to do. I don't want to think I'm above that. I want to, but that's not a good choice. That would not. That would be self centered for me to make. I mean, because that hurts a lot of people. I mean. I know. I mean.

30:05
Tom Stanfill
Well, the thing. The thing. You got it. And I always try to put it in terms of a doctor, because everybody understands a doctor. They have limited time.

30:12
Tab Norris
Yeah.

30:12
Tom Stanfill
And everybody needs help. They're constantly around people who are sick, and so help those people find, you know, build your resources of helping people that you can't help, you know, find help, like, who does what it is they're looking for. And also, I always. I want to say, you know, I would love to do that. Unfortunately, because of this and this. Yeah. And I think it's about. This is all about preparing, and I'm talking to myself now, so I'm prepared for these conversations. Like, one of the things, a friend of mine who got on the podcast, Randy Reamersman, talked to me and said, when people reach out to you and want to meet with you, ask them what's their objective, just make them articulate their objective. It's not selfish. It's just like, what do you want?

30:54
Tom Stanfill
Now, obviously, you're giving an example of somebody that's clear about what they want, but a lot of times you respond, you don't even know what they want.

31:00
Tab Norris
Yeah. Yeah.

31:00
Tom Stanfill
So, you know, find out what they want. Can you help them if you can't make the introduction? But if you clear about your circles, your inner circle, your highest priority, you can then say, all right, well, I know. I'm not sure if you're not clear. Everything's important.

31:15
Tab Norris
Well, that. That's exactly what happened. This happened to me last week, and I was clear, and it was not hard, but I remember the younger me would have really struggled with that, and the tighter you get on those circles and me, and it's. This is a. It's a muscle. I do think, Tom, you. The more you start using it, you get better and better, and we're so old now that we better be a little better. But. But you really do. And it's like, you clearly know. And I felt confident, and I'm like, no, I'll tell you what. I have the perfect person that's going to be a much better fit for this for you and da da. Because I already knew that choice has already been made.

31:52
Tom Stanfill
So people that get a ton done, I'm fascinated by people that are high performers. Obviously, it's part of the business that we. I'm always. I'm a people watcher, and when I see people that get a lot done and just have the bandwidth in this chaotic world where we're getting so much information from so many channels, here's the thing that's, I found consistent about all of them. They've already made their decisions.

32:17
Tab Norris
Yeah.

32:18
Tom Stanfill
They have their decisions down. So it's kind of like, sometimes I'll use this. Like. Like I have no problem. I don't get confused when I'm looking for golf balls. I know exactly the golf balls I'm looking for. Now, it's a stupid example, but, like, I'll just. It's not a problem. I know exactly the golf balls.

32:33
Tab Norris
See, if it's not that golf ball, you don't want it.

32:35
Tom Stanfill
I don't want it. And I know where the golf balls are, and I know what golf balls I'm looking for. So. So it's easy for me to make decisions. It's not like I stop and go, well, what's this golf ball and how old is each other? I know exactly what I'm looking for. I don't know. That's. It's a dumb example, but it's people that are in this world where we don't have a. Our time is just over. We're overwhelmed. We're all overwhelmed, is if we make that, we make those decisions, we're not confused. That's another thing about what happens if you don't choose, is you're confused. It's like you're. You're. You're. You're overwhelmed. I think anxiety kicks in. It's like you always feel like you're behind. Yeah. I can tell you those decisions.

33:13
Tab Norris
Yeah, I. And this is a. I think this is worth bringing up because it's per. It's. It falls into that personal category.

33:21
Tom Stanfill
Yeah.

33:22
Tab Norris
I have made a decision this year for the first time, to. To add ten minutes of meditation to my life, at least. And that choice has been incredible. But, like, I don't want to do it. Like, it sounds dumb. It's ten minutes. But the impact of that ten minutes is huge. It helps me as a business person. It helps me as a partner. It helps me as a father. And that one little decision being intentional about that one little decisions had massive impact in my life.

33:59
Tom Stanfill
I'm so glad you brought that up, tab, because that's one of the things we need to choose is ourselves.

34:04
Tab Norris
Yeah. You got to take care of your mental health yourself. You got to. Spending three days on a river in Montana. I did not have. I don't think either one of us had time to squeeze those three days in.

34:17
Tom Stanfill
No.

34:18
Tab Norris
That was non negotiable for our mental health.

34:24
Tom Stanfill
We can't give if we're empty.

34:26
Tab Norris
No.

34:26
Tom Stanfill
Right. So I think it's good to remind people that are listening to this. This other centered philosophy is a philosophy. It's a way of, it's a way of leading. It's a way of selling. It's a way of relating. It's a way of. That drives all relationships that we have. It doesn't mean that you're never selfish or self.

34:45
Tab Norris
Right. You got to take care of yourself.

34:47
Tom Stanfill
Right. You got to take care of yourself. There's times you say, I don't talk to anybody. Right. But when we go back into the world, our philosophy, our strategy is we're going to be more successful if we're other centered, and we're going to be more fulfilled because were created to. We were created to have purpose. We were created to leverage our resources to help other people. That's what brings us like. But we. We need to put ourselves in the circle, and we may be like the center, you know, the center, bullseye might be us, right. Our time alone. Like, what we do the first thing in the morning, like you're meditating. You know, we, you know, we both probably do the same thing in the mornings, you know, read scripture, pray.

35:23
Tom Stanfill
The things that we do to center us and keep our priorities straight, and then what's next? And again, those things change. And sometimes I'm in a professional circle, and sometimes I'm in my personal circle, but I also. I'm always trying to. I would say one thing. I am. I think that works for me, which is why I like the two circles, is. It's clear to me. I got two circles. I got two worlds, and how do I manage those two worlds and how much time? It's not always to make decisions, but it's very obvious to me that I have to. I'm not just a professional. Yeah, professional doesn't drive me. I want to. I want to add one more thing tab in closing and then see if you have anything to offer.

36:02
Tom Stanfill
It's one of the thing that happens when you don't choose is you lose.

36:06
Tab Norris
Yeah, I like that. You don't choose, you lose. Well, I think that sums up everything we just said.

36:12
Tom Stanfill
Family. This whole other center thing does not work if you don't choose well. I just want to keep beating. We're not asking people to be Mother Teresa.

36:24
Tab Norris
No.

36:25
Tom Stanfill
Although that sounds great. We're talking to business people who need to make a living and need to be successful. So choosing is critical.

36:33
Tab Norris
Yep. And I think that's a great transition because I agree with you, is to what is our challenge? Launch the challenge. I mean, net out the challenge for us for this week.

36:44
Tom Stanfill
So, yeah, so the challenge, make it tactical, is just build out. However, whatever infographic you want to use, whether it's circles within circles, like a bullseye with, you know, the center, etcetera. And going out from there are just a list. But just decide, choose who, what are your priorities in your professional and your personal life? You got a whole week to do it.

37:13
Tab Norris
Yeah.

37:13
Tom Stanfill
And then I would also say at the end of the week, hopefully you've made your decisions, that you look back and you say, now, how does that match up? How do my priorities match up with the, where I spent my time?

37:27
Tab Norris
So that's the deep, which we'll do when we get back together next week because we make sure. And like you said, even when do the bullseye or you want to do ABCD 1234, however you want to do it. However you want to do it. But we rank, you have to rank, it has to be ranked top priority to low priority. And then, and then I guess the way we can talk about it when we get back together again is did we, where did you have to make choices and how did that play out? How did that list impact your professional person?

38:02
Tom Stanfill
What did you learn about, what did you learn?

38:04
Tab Norris
I guess you're right. There's a lot of things we can deep kind of pull from that. But number one, the big takeaway is we have to have the list.

38:13
Tom Stanfill
Just make the list and then spend some time looking back, maybe a week, maybe a month, and say, how am I living my life? Am I living my life in alignment with my priorities? It's kind of like people who say want to manage their money, but they don't want to look at how they're spending their money. Like, if you look at, if my priority is to save 10%, give 10%, invest this much, whatever it is, and then you go, well, look how much money, my money. Well, once one's an intention and one's reality, so just compare that and no judgment. This is for you know?

38:52
Tab Norris
Yeah.

38:52
Tom Stanfill
But as you and I were talking about this before the podcast, I think this is the area where we both need, maybe better way to say the great, our greatest need is in this category.

39:04
Tab Norris
Yeah, I agree with that 100%. And I'm looking forward to dusting off some things that I've had, but, you know, putting a good look, fresh look on. On that and. Yeah.

39:17
Tom Stanfill
All right, buddy. Well, good. Well, I love the. I love this episode, probably because I need it the most. But thank you for joining us for another episode of sales with Aslan. Love your comments. Love to hear about how. How this is impacting you. Would love to see some post on this, if anybody wants to share, because I think this is something that could help other people. Invite people to. To do the OC 30, and maybe we'll even come out with a cookbook.

39:46
Tab Norris
Good food to eat while you do the OC 30.

39:49
Tom Stanfill
I love that. I think it's a whole 30 cookbook. Maybe we'll have an OC cookbook. I don't think that really. I don't think that really relates. I don't know if that's relevant, but I just. I don't know. It's a moneymaker, right. All right, buddy. All right. Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week or for week three of the challenge.