Drop The Rope Part II - What I Learned From Nemo

Last week, we looked at another important key to ensuring receptivity and reducing the inherent tension in the buyer and seller relationship. We talked about the fact that there is a perceived tug-of-war that exists in any situation where one person profits from recommending something to someone else – and the only way reduce that tension is to Drop-the-Rope®.

But you may be thinking, “I’m not trying to force anyone to do anything. It’s their choice. I’m not pulling the rope.”

Unfortunately, as Bill Murray so eloquently explained in the Academy Award winning movie Meatballs (I may be wrong about that, but I’m pretty sure it was nominated), “It just doesn’t matter.” Because of your role, whether you realize it or not, you are in a tug of war. As long as the customer believes that you are pulling the rope, they will always pull back.

So, I thought you might find it helpful if I offered a few insights on how to effectively Drop-the-Rope®.

First – you need to come up with a plausible reason why your recommended product/solution may not be a fit for the customer. Belief drives behavior. If you’ve already determined that the person you are trying to persuade has only one choice – to accept your recommendation – they will feel it. Your demeanor, tone, the words that you use, will ultimately betray your motive . . . a mistake I made several weeks ago with my better half.

At 10:00am on the day before the big blizzard Nemo was to hit the northeast, I decided it would be a great idea to fly to Boston and play in the snow. I know it sounds crazy but I LOVE snow. I’m from the south and for some reason snow equals happiness to me. I was like a kid trying to get my parents to take me to Disney World. So, I call my wife to sell her on my recommendation – drop everything, pack in 1 hour, and we will be on the 1:30 flight to Boston for the worst blizzard in history. Three feet of snow and 50 mile per hour winds – it will be awesome!

I was definitely “pulling the rope.”

Guess what her response was.

Bingo. The answer was “no.” Of course it was “no.” I hadn’t thought through the reasons this wasn’t a good idea for her. On the contrary, I had identified all the reasons why she SHOULD go: kids can watch the dogs, good for our marriage, we can go shopping (she will like that), she can get a massage at the hotel, etc. I had it all figured out and I made my passionate and very effective presentation. But, because of the pressure to make a decision on the spot and because she didn’t feel the freedom to think through what was best for her, she just said no. And of course, I understood. My wife is an amazing woman and I certainly can’t expect her to drop everything in her life on the spot and be at the airport in 2 hours. So I let it go. What was I thinking?

We ended up in the storm of the century by 2pm the next day.

A funny thing happened when I Dropped-the-Rope. When I got home that night and we began talking over dinner about my crazy idea, I empathized with her about why it wasn’t a good idea to take a last minute trip – she had been sick, we may not get back on time due to cancelled flights, it might cost too much. All very plausible reasons not to accept my proposal- and I meant it. But as she felt understood and the pressure was off, she started thinking about what she wanted to do (something that was difficult for her to do under pressure) and by 9:00 we were booked on the next flight to New York (too late for Boston).

Dropping-the-Rope began in me. In other words, I had to get to the point where I understood why this may not work for her. When we walk through that thought process, it ensures we are genuine. It ensures the tone of our message isn’t packed with pressure, but understanding and empathy – something we can’t fake. This realization, that your path may not be the best option, creates an environment of collaboration vs. manipulation. If I had gone through that process before I first called my wife, it would have been a completely different conversation and we may have ended up in Boston vs. New York (3 feet of snow vs. 1 foot snow – now you really are worried about me!).

Once we have established in our minds that the customer has plausible options other than to accept our recommendation, the next step is simple. We choose words that ensure that the person who perceives the pressure understands you accept and validate that there may be a better path but you would just like them to consider your recommendation. “Sweetie (again, from the south), I was thinking about going to the northeast for the big snow storm. I know this is probably a crazy idea and not sure it’s what you would like to do, and I’m fine with that, but wanted to see if you were open to discussing?” The pressure is officially released. Does this guarantee success? Absolutely not. What is does guarantee is a higher level of receptivity.