Most sellers think advancing an opportunity means getting the buyer to say yes. Top sellers know it means understanding what could keep the buyer from moving forward.
That is why Truth #7 in ASLAN’s 30 Truths for 30 Years series is simple: to advance effectively, focus on barriers, not closing. In this episode of SALES with ASLAN, Tom Stanfill and Tab Norris unpack why sales conversations often stall at the finish line, why pressure rarely works, and how sellers can create clearer next steps by helping buyers navigate the decision in front of them.
Closing is not about forcing commitment. It is about identifying what still needs to happen for the buyer to make a confident decision.
Listen to the 32 minute conversation here:
Closing is the wrong place to focus because most sales conversations are won or lost before the final ask.
When an opportunity stalls, leaders often assume the rep failed to close. The deal did not move forward, so the issue must be the seller’s ability to ask for commitment, create urgency, or push the buyer to the next step.
But that diagnosis is often incomplete.
The real problem is usually earlier in the conversation. The seller may not have clarified the buyer’s process. They may not have understood who else needed to be involved. They may not have uncovered funding concerns, internal resistance, timing issues, or competing priorities. So when the seller reaches the end of the meeting, they try to advance an opportunity without understanding what could stop it.
“The top sellers don’t focus on closing. They focus more on identifying barriers.”
-Tom Stanfill, CEO of ASLAN
That distinction matters. Closing centers the seller’s desired outcome. Identifying barriers centers the buyer’s decision process.
The goal is not to pressure the buyer into making a move. The goal is to understand what needs to happen next, what could prevent it, and how the seller can help.
Average sellers usually make one of two mistakes: they either push too hard or say too little.
Some sellers believe that if they do not put pressure on the buyer, nothing will happen. So they try to force the next step:
“Can we get this done by the end of the month?”
“Can we move forward today?”
“What would it take to get this signed?”
The problem is not that sellers are asking for movement. The problem is that the ask can feel self-centered when it is disconnected from the buyer’s actual process. Instead of building trust, it can make the seller sound like every other rep trying to protect a forecast.
Other sellers make the opposite mistake. They do not want to be pushy, so they become passive:
“Let me know if you need anything.”
“I’ll send over some information.”
“We can reconnect whenever it makes sense.”
That may feel safer, but it rarely serves the buyer. People leave meetings and return to full inboxes, competing priorities, internal meetings, and shifting demands. Even when the conversation went well, momentum can disappear if the seller does not help clarify what happens next.
The better path is neither pressure nor passivity. It is an Other-Centered® conversation about what could keep the customer from making a good decision.
Sellers should ask questions that reveal where the buyer is in their process and what barriers could prevent the opportunity from moving forward.
That requires a different mindset. Instead of asking, “How do I get them to commit?” the seller asks, “What needs to happen in their world for this to move forward?”
That shift changes the tone of the conversation.
A pressure-based question sounds like:
“Can we get this done right now?”
An Other-Centered question sounds like:
“Regardless of whether you work with us or someone else, what would need to happen for your team to move forward with this?”
That kind of question removes pressure because it is not framed around the seller’s solution. It is framed around the buyer’s decision. It gives the customer room to explain the actual process, including barriers they might not have otherwise volunteered.
Those barriers might include:
Once those barriers are clear, the seller can stop guessing. They can help the buyer navigate the next step that actually matters.
Sellers often avoid barrier questions because they are afraid of what they might hear.
If they ask too directly, they may discover the opportunity is not real. They may learn the buyer does not have funding, does not control the decision, or is already committed to another direction. That can feel risky, especially when the deal looks promising on the surface.
But avoiding the truth does not make the opportunity stronger. It usually just wastes time.
If a seller spends hours preparing a proposal, building a presentation, or coordinating internal resources for an opportunity that was never qualified, nobody wins. The seller wastes time. The buyer receives support that may not be relevant. The team chases a deal that was never really positioned to move forward.
That is why top sellers are willing to create what Tom describes as a “fork in the road.” Either the buyer and seller are moving toward a real partnership, or they are not. Both answers are useful because both create clarity. As Tab puts it,
“All answers are okay. We just want the truth.”
That is the mindset that keeps barrier questions from feeling manipulative. The seller is not trying to trap the buyer. They are trying to understand whether there is a real path forward and how best to serve the customer.
Sellers should treat every buyer like the decision maker, while still clarifying the broader process.
One common mistake is assuming that the person in the conversation either has all the authority or has none. Top sellers avoid both assumptions. They respect the person they are speaking with and still ask questions that uncover how the decision will actually be made.
For example:
“Let’s assume your team decides this is the right solution. What would need to happen from there?”
“Who else would need to feel confident before moving forward?”
“How does funding typically get approved for something like this?”
“What would your team need to see to know this is the right path?”
These questions allow the buyer to reveal the process naturally. They may explain that a broader team needs to be involved. They may mention an executive sponsor. They may uncover a funding step, a procurement requirement, an internal pilot, or a competing initiative.
The seller does not have to challenge the buyer’s authority. They simply help clarify what the buyer already knows: decisions inside organizations are rarely made in isolation.
If the meeting ends before the seller has clarity, the seller should still ask for a small commitment that keeps the conversation useful.
Sometimes the buyer has to leave. Sometimes the conversation gets cut short. Sometimes the seller does not get through the questions they hoped to ask. In those moments, pushing harder can damage trust.
A better response is to acknowledge the lack of clarity and position the follow-up around serving the buyer:
“I’m still a little unclear on the best next step and how we can be most helpful. Would it be okay if I send a short note outlining what I heard and a few possible paths forward, so you can react to what makes the most sense?”
That kind of follow-up does two things. First, it keeps the focus on the buyer’s process, not the seller’s agenda. Second, it creates a small commitment. The buyer agrees to respond, clarify, or react, which makes the follow-up more meaningful than a generic recap email.
The email itself should not be a pitch. It should help the buyer think through the decision. It might outline the stages they appear to be in, the questions they may need to answer, and the options for moving forward.
When done well, the follow-up becomes part of the value the seller provides.
Sellers advance without pressure by helping the customer make the best decision, not by trying to force the customer toward their solution.
This is where the seller's role changes. At the advanced stage of an opportunity, the seller should not simply present, pitch, or persuade. They should help the buyer understand how to buy something they may have limited experience purchasing.
The seller often has more visibility into the decision than the buyer does. They have seen what works. They have seen what causes projects to stall. They understand the questions customers often forget to ask. They know which steps matter.
That expertise should be used to serve the buyer.
“All you’re doing is helping the customer buy the best solution, not your solution, the best solution.”
Tom Stanfill, CEO of ASLAN
That is what makes the conversation feel different. The seller is no longer trying to “close.” They are helping the buyer identify what needs to happen, what could get in the way, and how to make a decision they will feel confident standing behind.
When there is no barrier, the next step is simple. Move forward.
When there is a barrier, the next step becomes helping the buyer address it.
Either way, the seller has clarity.
Sales leaders should coach sellers to end every meeting with a commitment to do something.
That does not always mean asking for the sale. It may mean scheduling a stakeholder conversation, clarifying funding, confirming decision criteria, reviewing internal options, or helping the buyer determine whether the problem is worth solving now.
The commitment should match the barrier.
Leaders can coach this by asking sellers:
Those questions help sellers move from activity to clarity. A meeting on the calendar is not always progress. A proposal sent is not always progress. A positive conversation is not always progress.
Progress happens when the seller and buyer agree on what needs to happen next and why.
Top sellers do not ignore the close. They just understand that the close is not the moment where trust is created, value is clarified, or the buyer’s decision process is revealed.
That work happens earlier.
Truth #7 in ASLAN’s 30 Truths for 30 Years series is a reminder that advancing an opportunity is not about pressure. It is about clarity. The seller’s job is to help the buyer uncover what could get in the way of making a good decision, then partner with them to address it.
When the barriers are clear, the next step usually is too.
If your team is struggling with stalled deals, unclear next steps, or opportunities that disappear after strong meetings, the issue may not be closing technique. It may be that sellers are not identifying the barriers early enough.
ASLAN helps sales teams build the mindset, skills, and structure to lead Other-Centered conversations that create clarity, lower resistance, and help buyers move forward with confidence.
Explore ASLAN’s sales training programs to help your team advance opportunities by focusing on what matters most to the buyer.